I caved...thankfully.

I've been really down the last 2 weeks or so. It looks like we'll be going thru at least one more major change in the next month, possibly two (depending on the outcome with Brandon's testing). I'm very much a creature of habit. I've always had issues dealing with change. I did pretty well with our move up here, mainly because I was so busy with the restaurant. Well, it's been closed for about a month now, and I've been feeling the blues coming. I take medication for anxiety, but lately...well, it hasn't done much for me. I had been monitoring my blood pressure at Wal-Mart (I know, not that most accurate...), and noticed that it's been running pretty high lately (go figure). I take meds for that, as well (it never went down to normal after having the twins), so it shouldn't be too bad. So, I made an appt with my doc. He added another BP pill, gave me a year of refills for my birth control (THANK YOU! lol), gave me a pill for urinary incontenance (damaged bladder from child birth with my oldest), and doubled my script for my anxiety meds. I'm hoping it helps. I've had a hard time doing anything lately. I can't sleep at night, so I stay up all hours and then want to crash during the day (hard to do when we're packing and have 3 little ones that want Mommy's attention). I've had no motivation/energy, and I've packed on 15 lbs in the last few months...I had actually been losing before.

My father-in-law finally contacted us back and basically said I'm an a-hole and that if I know what's best for me, I'll shut my mouth. I do know what's best, and I will shut my mouth...for now.

I'm so scared about the empending move. I've got to go thru all the crap again of insurances, doctors, specialists, and add finding a job (and helping hubby find one) to the mix... I'm beyond terrorified about Brandon's test results. I'm so scared they're going to come back with him needing brain surgery or even worse. I can't lose any more children. I shouldn't HAVE to lose any more kids, DAMN IT. I know, it's a woe-as-me post...sorry. I just want to be RID of this black cloud that's hanging overhead.