Hollywood's Great Loss

Just a quickie entry for right now. A dedication in memory of a wonderful actor and humanitarian, Paul Newman. I always shared my (ok maybe useless) trivia in the grocery store with whomever that 100% of the profits from any of Newman's foods went to charity. 100%! Married to the same woman (Joanne Woodward) for 50 years...unheard of in Hollywood (or anywhere)! I could never pinpoint a favorite movie of his, as I truly enjoyed anything he was in or a part of. He died at home with his family and close friends around him, which is the way he had said he wanted it. Many prayers to his family, and thank you to Mr. Newman for being you.

Jolt of reality

I added a gal to my friendlist on Myspace yesterday. She's a friend of a friend, graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school, and I was friends (not close) with one of her younger sisters. She accepted my request, so I did the normal browsing of her once-private page. I saw pictures of her lovely sisters, including the one I had known in school. These gals are all so smart, pretty, just overall nice people. I went to read her blog entries, and as I was reading some of the older entries I saw, "my sister is dead". I was like whoa, what? I went hunting for more information, but couldn't see more than some here and there, so I googled her sisters' name. What I found still has me in tears. Her sister, the one I knew and who was my age, had died from complications of pregnancy/delivery of her 2nd child (who also did not survive-they had induced her at 22 weeks). She had a stroke during delivery, remained in a coma until her family had to make the gut-wrenching decision to ler her body go, as her soul was already gone.

I can't pinpoint the exact reason why this is so devastating to me. There are many reasons to be affected (she was a classmate/friend, she was young, she was a mother/sister/wife/daughter)...I think the reason it really gets me is reading the words of her family left behind. Having my brother come so close to leaving me a few months ago, knowing I was just that close to writing those painful words. My heart goes out to the family. It's been a couple of years now, but I can imagine the pain is just as fresh (especially when they see her smile in her daughter). God grant them the comfort they so rightfully deserve.

The What-If's will get you every time...

I'm having a hard time dealing with things as they stand right now. We were brought up here for what reason? To fail? Couldn't he have had his fun humiliating us in Florida? So now we wait. We have to stay until the end of October anyway for Brandon's test...another source of major anxiety. My son's neurologist thinks he could have Tuberous Sclerosis. This would explain the speech delay, milestone delays, etc... The thought of him having numerous seizures everyday...ugh. I spend so much time just holding his hand, or rubbing his head (he likes that, since I had to buzz his hair off for the next EEG). I have to call tomorrow about the MRI (putting my baby under sedation for nearly 2 hours). What does my father-in-law say to all of this? That we're wasting our time trying to get our son labeled 'retarded' and finding a pill to make him talk. Yep, just a brief glimpse into the kind of monster that holds our fate in his hands, so-to-speak. After the nasty (but true) email he got from us a week ago, it's been a standoff of wills. Who's going to crack first. It will be us, tho, and he knows it. We have no other options...and he knows it. I can see freedom so close, but so far away...

Kaitlynne is a whole other ball of wax. She's had a HORRIBLE time adjusting to the move here, and now we're probably moving again? I know it's a better move that this one, but still. She is filled with so much...contempt. For everyone in our home, it seems (except the babies, I think-she does REALLY well with them).

The twins are doing well. Gabriel got a good report from the orthopedist (says his head may not ever mold to be a perfect round, but he's doing really good with the ROM). He'll be starting speech therapy with Donna (Brandon's therapist) next week. I honestly didn't notice a delay until he was evaluated (at Alex's insistance). Anne-Marie is ever the drama queen and SO super clingy to me! It's usually sweet, but can be really trying at times. I think Alex thinks she doesn't like him, but I'm sure she'll *switch teams* soon enough.

I find myself so full of disappointment/sadness/anger at what happened here. Not just with the BS that my father-in-law put us through, but with the way I trusted Juanita. People tried to tell me about her and I didn't listen. Now, she has the money she stole (and I can't prove it) and all the crap she said about us to HIM. Oh well, losers of a feather, I guess. Not everyone here was a waste...I really like Mary. I was told not to trust her, either, but she's the only one who still talks to me (since we closed the restaurant). We met some great customers, and Cindy (our part-time cook) is a sweetheart, too. More bad apples than good, unfortunately. Another chapter in life, tho...I'm so ready to start a new, better one.