Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thank you, Jesus
I got a job!!!! A great-paying job, at that! Also, hubby got a really good lead on a job for himself! Hubby isn't a big believer in God. I admit, since losing our daughter, my faith is still trying to recover. I know, however, that He came through for us here. Thank you, God...thank you.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I got the 'piss off' email
You either got a phone call for a face-to-face interview, or you got the 'piss off' email. I got the email.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Trying to chip away at the chip on my shoulder.
Soooo, I realize now that the last entry was...crappy? I was just in a really bad place and needed to get it out w/out burdening my family any more than they already are. I'm trying to be more upbeat...trying. I have beautiful children that make me smile and laugh every day. I know in my heart that one should be here with us and isn't...it's hard. We're approaching the 4 year mark. How is that even possible? When they told me she had died, I didn't think I'd breathe w/out horrid pain ever again. She'd be 4 years old. I just can't imagine...
We met with the new pediatrician for the kids. Goofy, but nice guy. He's setting us up with referrals to new neurologists, geneticists, and speech therapists. Hoping he can recommend someone good for Kaitlynne.
She (Kaitlynne) is on my craplist at the moment. She's in her mouthy know-it-all stage already (which sucks, but I can deal with). Today, she opted to go to her friend's house before checking after getting off of the bus. I started to worry about 10 minutes past her regular time...panicked by the time I got off the phone with the school/transportation. They said they had dropped her off on time! I called one of her friends, wasn't there...the mom sent the little girl to another girl's house to see if she was there. She was, and even tho she obviously realized she must be doing something not-right if I sent someone for her-she sent me a NOTE saying she'd be home in an hour or so!!!! Alex and I got our shoes and helped her remember where she lived :pulls gray hairs out:.
Everything else is going. I'm in the "hurry up and wait" stage for a job that pays really well and would be GREAT to get. Cross your fingers!
We met with the new pediatrician for the kids. Goofy, but nice guy. He's setting us up with referrals to new neurologists, geneticists, and speech therapists. Hoping he can recommend someone good for Kaitlynne.
She (Kaitlynne) is on my craplist at the moment. She's in her mouthy know-it-all stage already (which sucks, but I can deal with). Today, she opted to go to her friend's house before checking after getting off of the bus. I started to worry about 10 minutes past her regular time...panicked by the time I got off the phone with the school/transportation. They said they had dropped her off on time! I called one of her friends, wasn't there...the mom sent the little girl to another girl's house to see if she was there. She was, and even tho she obviously realized she must be doing something not-right if I sent someone for her-she sent me a NOTE saying she'd be home in an hour or so!!!! Alex and I got our shoes and helped her remember where she lived :pulls gray hairs out:.
Everything else is going. I'm in the "hurry up and wait" stage for a job that pays really well and would be GREAT to get. Cross your fingers!
Friday, January 2, 2009
What 2008 brought...
Ok, this might be a bit emotional for me...so it might not make sense to all, but just some things I need to get out. What 2008 brought to our family:
Jan: *Our daughter we'll never know on earth, Marissa, would have been 3 years old.
*We opened a restaurant/motel with high hopes, tho in our hearts we knew it never
stood a chance. We were well aware that Alex's dad wouldn't do what he said he
would. Nevertheless, we rolled up our sleeves and went to work.
Feb: *Alex and I spent our 2nd anniversary at home because his dad didn't deem us
worthy of a salary to run one of his businesses. In the mean time, his other boys
who "work" for him our living in $250,000-$500,000 homes purchased by him
for them.
*We experience the first of MANY damaging floods/ice storms to our home and the
restaurant.
*We have our son evaluated by a speech therapist, who tells us he's over a year
behind developmentally.
Mar: *I make the first of a few mistakes and hire Juanita.
Apr: *The pediatrician notices a small white birth mark on our son, and tells us we need
to have him seen by a neurologist. We scoff at this, but follow thru w/ the referral.
May: *Ah, my 31st birthday. It's celebrated by my father-in-law coming to the restaurant
to tell me what a major fuck-up (sorry) I am. He has the nerve to throw Adam's
name at me and I lose it. That crazy low-life turns him in for his wrong-doings and
it's ME that's a problem?! Ha!
*My sweet boy turns 2 years old :)
June: *My mom has to be admitted into the VA hospital because she's got internal bleeding
they can't find. I have to stay in a hotel in Augusta to be near her.
*My sister-in-law dies of leukemia. She leaves behind 3 children under age 13. This
affects me deeply, tho I hardly knew her.
*While in Augusta I experience one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. I
receive a call from my brother's partner that brother has attempted suicide. He
is in the ER. It takes me several calls to find him, at which point I'm in hysterics
because I think he's dead. I'm sure of it. That's why they won't tell me where he
is. He wasn't dead, tho. While laying in his bathtub, full of his own blood flowing
steadily from his wrists, he decides he DOESN'T want to die. He calls 911 and is
saved. He spends the next 6 weeks in and out of rehab. I can't describe the
feelings from nearly losing him...
July: *I want to go to see my brother, but can't. Our busy season is about to start (or so
we were told).
*The busy season came and went, and we were still broke. People liked us, loved
our food/atmosphere...little did we know, the recession was about to strike.
Aug: *We take Brandon to Bangor for the first EKG, which is abnormal. I hold him for
what seems like forever and cry.
*Kaitlynne turns 11 :)
*The twins turn 1 :)
*My father-in-law has all but bailed on the restaurant.
Sep: *We take Brandon for genetic bloodwork, which is also abnormal. We are told he
has a chromosomal abnormality of his number 5 chromosome. We are still waiting
to see a geneticist to have this explained to us.
Oct: *My father-in-law drops his spies off for a week at the hotel/restaurant. They
immediate latch on to the weakest link, Juanita. She thinks she can get ahead, so
she tells them lie upon lie about us, including that I NEVER worked! I was putting
in 60+ hours a week, and had the payroll to prove it-but he didn't care...she was
his new drinking buddy. Low-lifes of a feather...
*Brandon goes for a 48-hour EKG and an MRI. THANK THE GOOD LORD his MRI
comes back clear! However, the EKG does not. He is having seizures, and is put
on medication. The cause is unclear, we're still following up on it.
*We make the decision to leave the hotel/restaurant. His father had bailed, it
couldn't support itself, and he's made a mockery of my husband and I in the little
town we had to live in.
Nov: *We move to Missouri. His dad has promised to help us, but it's been like pulling
teeth. He blames ME for the entire economic recession! I didn't know I had such
power. Our credit cards are nearly maxed for having to live on them for the last
year because he refused to pay us our salaries...
Dec: *Hard time finding work...not what we had thought it would be.
*Christmas is bleak, financially, but my kids still make me smile.
*I find myself falling into a deep depression...still working on that one, too.
*We get to see my brother-in-law and sister-in-law after over a year. The few,
perhaps the only, in-laws I like.
*We find out that that Alex's uncle (a dear man) has terminal cancer.
I know, this is a bleak post. It's been a hard year. However, we are all here. Healthy, and most of us happy. I praying the New Year brings stability so that we can cut the ties for good. My father-in-law has beat me down emotionally. Something I swore I'd never let ANY man (or woman) do to me again after my ex-husband. I suppose he feels good about himself, even tho I KNOW he knows I busted my ASS for him. Karma. It's a bitch, so I hear...
Jan: *Our daughter we'll never know on earth, Marissa, would have been 3 years old.
*We opened a restaurant/motel with high hopes, tho in our hearts we knew it never
stood a chance. We were well aware that Alex's dad wouldn't do what he said he
would. Nevertheless, we rolled up our sleeves and went to work.
Feb: *Alex and I spent our 2nd anniversary at home because his dad didn't deem us
worthy of a salary to run one of his businesses. In the mean time, his other boys
who "work" for him our living in $250,000-$500,000 homes purchased by him
for them.
*We experience the first of MANY damaging floods/ice storms to our home and the
restaurant.
*We have our son evaluated by a speech therapist, who tells us he's over a year
behind developmentally.
Mar: *I make the first of a few mistakes and hire Juanita.
Apr: *The pediatrician notices a small white birth mark on our son, and tells us we need
to have him seen by a neurologist. We scoff at this, but follow thru w/ the referral.
May: *Ah, my 31st birthday. It's celebrated by my father-in-law coming to the restaurant
to tell me what a major fuck-up (sorry) I am. He has the nerve to throw Adam's
name at me and I lose it. That crazy low-life turns him in for his wrong-doings and
it's ME that's a problem?! Ha!
*My sweet boy turns 2 years old :)
June: *My mom has to be admitted into the VA hospital because she's got internal bleeding
they can't find. I have to stay in a hotel in Augusta to be near her.
*My sister-in-law dies of leukemia. She leaves behind 3 children under age 13. This
affects me deeply, tho I hardly knew her.
*While in Augusta I experience one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. I
receive a call from my brother's partner that brother has attempted suicide. He
is in the ER. It takes me several calls to find him, at which point I'm in hysterics
because I think he's dead. I'm sure of it. That's why they won't tell me where he
is. He wasn't dead, tho. While laying in his bathtub, full of his own blood flowing
steadily from his wrists, he decides he DOESN'T want to die. He calls 911 and is
saved. He spends the next 6 weeks in and out of rehab. I can't describe the
feelings from nearly losing him...
July: *I want to go to see my brother, but can't. Our busy season is about to start (or so
we were told).
*The busy season came and went, and we were still broke. People liked us, loved
our food/atmosphere...little did we know, the recession was about to strike.
Aug: *We take Brandon to Bangor for the first EKG, which is abnormal. I hold him for
what seems like forever and cry.
*Kaitlynne turns 11 :)
*The twins turn 1 :)
*My father-in-law has all but bailed on the restaurant.
Sep: *We take Brandon for genetic bloodwork, which is also abnormal. We are told he
has a chromosomal abnormality of his number 5 chromosome. We are still waiting
to see a geneticist to have this explained to us.
Oct: *My father-in-law drops his spies off for a week at the hotel/restaurant. They
immediate latch on to the weakest link, Juanita. She thinks she can get ahead, so
she tells them lie upon lie about us, including that I NEVER worked! I was putting
in 60+ hours a week, and had the payroll to prove it-but he didn't care...she was
his new drinking buddy. Low-lifes of a feather...
*Brandon goes for a 48-hour EKG and an MRI. THANK THE GOOD LORD his MRI
comes back clear! However, the EKG does not. He is having seizures, and is put
on medication. The cause is unclear, we're still following up on it.
*We make the decision to leave the hotel/restaurant. His father had bailed, it
couldn't support itself, and he's made a mockery of my husband and I in the little
town we had to live in.
Nov: *We move to Missouri. His dad has promised to help us, but it's been like pulling
teeth. He blames ME for the entire economic recession! I didn't know I had such
power. Our credit cards are nearly maxed for having to live on them for the last
year because he refused to pay us our salaries...
Dec: *Hard time finding work...not what we had thought it would be.
*Christmas is bleak, financially, but my kids still make me smile.
*I find myself falling into a deep depression...still working on that one, too.
*We get to see my brother-in-law and sister-in-law after over a year. The few,
perhaps the only, in-laws I like.
*We find out that that Alex's uncle (a dear man) has terminal cancer.
I know, this is a bleak post. It's been a hard year. However, we are all here. Healthy, and most of us happy. I praying the New Year brings stability so that we can cut the ties for good. My father-in-law has beat me down emotionally. Something I swore I'd never let ANY man (or woman) do to me again after my ex-husband. I suppose he feels good about himself, even tho I KNOW he knows I busted my ASS for him. Karma. It's a bitch, so I hear...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
'Tis the season...
for depression. I'll admit, I take medication for my anxiety, but it's not really doing much these days. We moved to the midwest because the economy was holding on pretty well-at least, until we got here. We've had a hard time finding work. Alex has been lucky enough to get seasonal work with UPS, and we're hoping he can get something with them after the holidays. I've been sick since we got here with bronchitis, and now a sinus infection. I had some issue with my back that I had to go to the ER for...doc said it's stress-related (go figure). The bills have started showing up, so we had to cave and ask my ass-in-law (hubby's dad) for money. He made sure to tell hubby that apparently I caused the economic recession all by myself-I'm just THAT good. I know, I'm sounding whoa-is-me. I haven't been out of the house much, other than to go to a couple of interviews (I was "over-qualified" for one, bad credit for the second, but hopeful for the third). The job I'm waiting on is only part-time for now, but the manager (bank) said she has plenty of extra hours for me with vacations and such. I hope to find out before Christmas.
Kaitlynne has been having a bit of trouble with school. On the social-aspect, she's doing well-made friends, teacher likes her, etc... She's just getting frustrated with the work. I think it's the same type of thing she was doing at her other school, just hard work right now. Hopefully she'll get it-I know it's frustrating for her.
Brandon is doing well. He has been making so much eye contact, and lots of noises. Yesterday, I accidentally hit his head with toy and he said 'ow'. We aren't sure if he was meaning it as it's supposed to be, or if it was a noise that came out-either way, it was exciting. He goes to his new pediatrician in a couple of weeks, and from there we'll get referrals for a neuro and geneticist so we can move further with the test results from Maine.
Gabriel has been making more eye contact, as well. He makes his noises, but not any words...yet. We've been stretching his neck more again-it seemed to be turning in just a smidge again. He's a total loveybutt.
Anne-Marie is the life of the party! She's talking (mama, dada, all gone, bye bye, hi, hello, baby), dancing, running, laughing...very funny little girl.
Alex is good, tho stressed, like me. We know it will work out, we just hadn't anticipated it taking this long. Sucks.
My mom's...my mom. She goes out a lot, which is good for her. Helps with the kids. Gotten a bit lazy with things around the house, but I guess we all have.
I hope everyone's holidays are going well, and everyone stays safe. Until next year ;)
Kaitlynne has been having a bit of trouble with school. On the social-aspect, she's doing well-made friends, teacher likes her, etc... She's just getting frustrated with the work. I think it's the same type of thing she was doing at her other school, just hard work right now. Hopefully she'll get it-I know it's frustrating for her.
Brandon is doing well. He has been making so much eye contact, and lots of noises. Yesterday, I accidentally hit his head with toy and he said 'ow'. We aren't sure if he was meaning it as it's supposed to be, or if it was a noise that came out-either way, it was exciting. He goes to his new pediatrician in a couple of weeks, and from there we'll get referrals for a neuro and geneticist so we can move further with the test results from Maine.
Gabriel has been making more eye contact, as well. He makes his noises, but not any words...yet. We've been stretching his neck more again-it seemed to be turning in just a smidge again. He's a total loveybutt.
Anne-Marie is the life of the party! She's talking (mama, dada, all gone, bye bye, hi, hello, baby), dancing, running, laughing...very funny little girl.
Alex is good, tho stressed, like me. We know it will work out, we just hadn't anticipated it taking this long. Sucks.
My mom's...my mom. She goes out a lot, which is good for her. Helps with the kids. Gotten a bit lazy with things around the house, but I guess we all have.
I hope everyone's holidays are going well, and everyone stays safe. Until next year ;)
Thursday, November 27, 2008
We're here :)
I can smell the comforting scent of turkey in the air, I've got the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on tv, my kids are all safe and happy-today I am thankful.
Just a short note to say we got moved ok, and we're spending turkeyday with my brother and his partner, Petey. I hope you and yours can find and enjoy what you're thankful for today. Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone.
RIP Carrie (Callaway) Hammer...my thoughts and many prayers are with your husband, small children, and the rest of your family and friends. A tragedy, no matter what time of year.
Just a short note to say we got moved ok, and we're spending turkeyday with my brother and his partner, Petey. I hope you and yours can find and enjoy what you're thankful for today. Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone.
RIP Carrie (Callaway) Hammer...my thoughts and many prayers are with your husband, small children, and the rest of your family and friends. A tragedy, no matter what time of year.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Still here :)
I know, it's been awhile. We've been packing and taking care of all the loose ends. We're leaving on Friday morning, and it still seems so surreal. I can't believe I'm going back "home". I'm excited, scared, nervous, and unbelievably anxious. I'm happy my brother will be there. I know I won't see him tons, but just to have him close to 'keep an eye on him', I guess. Plus, it surely doesn't hurt to have someone we know there. He sounds excited to have us coming, too. I had told my dad we were coming (he also lives there)...he just wanted to know where we were living (so he could google to see the house @@), and where Alex was going to be working. Didn't show any emotion about it. I don't know why I expected more-but I did. He hasn't seen me in 10 years. Saw my oldest when she was about a year, hasn't met any of the other children or my husband. Oh well...
I did hear something today that almost made me happy, tho it shouldn't have. My bro-in-law said that my father-in-laws hotels in Canada weren't doing so well. He was blaming it on gas prices and the economy. The exact reasons WE couldn't make it here, but he called us lazy lowlifes instead. I'd love to tell him the same, but I won't.
Kids are doing well, tho feeling the anxiety in the house. Kaitlynne has been up and down the 'bipolar-coaster' (as I call it) pretty bad the last few days; she'll be better on the road, and def. better when she sees Scott and Pete. Brandon's tolerating his seizure meds well, and thankfully sleeping (with the help of Melatonin). The twins are doing well, tho Anne-Marie is having the most issues with what's going on. We don't have time to hold her or pay as much attention, tho we're trying to take time out for her. I might have to dig out my Mei-Tei to carry her around in.
Not much else going on right now-moving has consumed everything, blah. I'm just ready to be there and to get everything going for doctors, jobs, and such.
I did hear something today that almost made me happy, tho it shouldn't have. My bro-in-law said that my father-in-laws hotels in Canada weren't doing so well. He was blaming it on gas prices and the economy. The exact reasons WE couldn't make it here, but he called us lazy lowlifes instead. I'd love to tell him the same, but I won't.
Kids are doing well, tho feeling the anxiety in the house. Kaitlynne has been up and down the 'bipolar-coaster' (as I call it) pretty bad the last few days; she'll be better on the road, and def. better when she sees Scott and Pete. Brandon's tolerating his seizure meds well, and thankfully sleeping (with the help of Melatonin). The twins are doing well, tho Anne-Marie is having the most issues with what's going on. We don't have time to hold her or pay as much attention, tho we're trying to take time out for her. I might have to dig out my Mei-Tei to carry her around in.
Not much else going on right now-moving has consumed everything, blah. I'm just ready to be there and to get everything going for doctors, jobs, and such.
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